If You Are Dating A Married Man, This Massage Is For You
What does dating a married man and devouring hot chocolate fudge have in common?
Both taste devilishly good, but both are sinfully bad! Yet, what is it about a married or the so-called ‘committed’ man that attracts women? Is it the thrill of being the ‘other woman’? Or just the promise of love?
A marriage and relationship counselor explains, “Women who fall for married men are usually seeking attention and emotional support.
Since married men seem to be more experienced and mature, they get attracted towards them.
Owing to their experience, married men understand the emotional needs and desires of women better than their single counterparts.
However, men usually get attracted to other women as a result of a deficiency or a lack of satisfaction (emotional/sexual) in their present relationship.”
If You Are Dating A Married Man, This Massage Is For You
Being the ‘other woman’
Dating a married man could probably stigmatise you with many condemnable titles and may not be an easy experience to endure, for being the ‘other woman’ entails a lot of sacrifices.
If you have convinced yourself that his family would never come to know about it, think again. If they do, you would have to deal with the guilt of inflicting emotional pain on his spouse and kids, besides hurting yourself.
It’s important to consider that there are many people involved in your relationship, than just the two of you.
Also, dating a man who’s married may entail many restrictions such as not being seen in public places together or being with him only when he can find free time away from his family or sneak out and meet you.
Even more difficult can be living with the bitter truth that you are sharing him with his wife.
Is he really ‘committed’?
An important question that you need to ask yourself is – ‘Why is he in a relationship with you despite having a family?’ Is it because of an unfulfilled desire,
the thrill of a casual fling or the failure to get over the relationship you may have shared with him before marriage? It is important to evaluate and assess the benefits and drawbacks of such a relationship.
You may be hoping that your man will leave his family for you so that you both can live happily ever after…but are you sure?
Assess whether the man you are dating is pursuing the relationship because he loves you or he just because he wants to take advantage of you.
Poonam Tiwari (name changed on request), 34, who works with a multi-national company in Noida adds, “I am in love with a married man who has a son. I am married too and have a daughter.
Mine was an arranged marriage, but after a year, lot of differences started creeping into our relationship. I met this man though a common friend and realised that he was the one for me.
Being a wife and a mother, it isn’t correct on my part to be dating a married man and giving up on my marriage, but I think our ultimate goal in life is to be happy, isn’t it? What’s the use of being in a relationship that gives you pain and suffering?”
“At times, an unfulfilled desire or a common need can bring two people closer. When a person doesn’t get enough love and understanding from his partner, he tries to fulfill his/her needs elsewhere to satisfy himself.
When another person fulfills his emotional need by appreciating him or understanding his problems, he/she falls for him,” adds Dr Arvinder.
The emotional turmoil
While some women dating married men may find happiness eventually, most of these relationships end up leaving you feeling lonely, used and neglected.
A relationship exists because of mutual trust and commitment. In extra-marital affairs, you can’t expect to get any of these. Most women know it by instinct, but not surprisingly many fall for it.
You may find yourself alone more often than you’d like because his family will always come first. Moreover, if he is cheating on his wife to be with you, what’s going to stop him from cheating on you?
“I’m married and have been dating a girl for the last three years. I met her even before I got married and proposed to her. But she said she wasn’t in love with me.
So, I didn’t tell my parents about her and they fixed my marriage with another girl. Gradually, she realised that she loved me, but it was too late to call off the wedding.
I am happy with my marriage, but can’t forget my ex. I continue to meet her even today and I still love her. I am in a dilemma,
but I can’t divorce my wife as it would be very embarrassing for my family,” says Gaurav Mehrotra (name changed on request), 30, working as a sales manager in Indore.
“It’s important to seek professional counseling or talk to somebody you trust. Even if he/she doesn’t agree with your point of you, atleast you will have a viewpoint and it may give a new perspective and help in understanding the situation better.
Mostly, in such relationships, the people involved are quite vulnerable. So, there’s also a chance that the person can emotionally abuse you as you are emotionally dependent on him,” explains Dr. Arvinder.
The challenges ahead
Dating a married man has a likelihood of being a failure and leading to a dead end, if he’s not even contemplating on leaving his wife.
Even if he is actually thinking about filing a divorce, you would still have to live with the guilt of being responsible for ruining a family.
Gayatri, 33, a home-maker confesses, “I am in love with a married man who lives in my neighbourhood. My husband is usually not in town as work keeps him busy. I feel ignored and lonesome.
I share a very intimate relationship with my neighbour and he has even assured me that we would find a way and be together, but whenever I insist on taking a decision, he keeps postponing the idea. I am in a dilemma as I am very attached to him at present.”
“Married men who are in a relationship with another woman certainly have some flaws in their present relationship which they are not willing to work upon and therefore seek satisfaction outside their marriage.
However, since such relationships lack commitment; it leads to insecurity and complications in the future. So, it is advisable to keep oneself away from the same,” adds Dr Khurana.
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